Noisy Mind

Mind is too noisy at this time in life. And yes, too nosy. Life that was going smooth suddenly is disturbed. I even don’t know what is happening, and god dam why?! I feel like I am lost among the crowd. Its either sleep or go to work kinda situation. I don’t give a shit about rest of the things like eating, walking or working with all I have. The good that is happening are no more good, the only thing that is going is the crazy thing. At this point I have only one wish- and that is to stop the random bullets of restless thoughts. This crazy woman has no idea why on earth is all of this happening? Or may be I do not need to know reasons for everything. May be things happen because they are meant to happen. I don’t know. Whatever it be, I needs these crazy things to stop.

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…moral standards a personal crusade

Life has been crazy, and happy for sure. I have hardly been able to sit and think, went on the mode of nothingness for some months. Less thoughts to bother myself- I have found a secret to happiness.. LOL!

Ok, so here I am posting few observations of crazy months I have had. My mind had series of debates on MORALITY (yes morality, moral grounds, what morality is, what it is not. And guess what, I am yet not out of it, not able to decide what is what; what is wrong and what the world is assuming to be right; a fallacy perhaps on morality)

The average man and woman no more possess a keen notion of what us right and wrong, in his and her on personal life, in the community, and in the world at large. Has the time arrived again when ordinary people must make moral standards a personal crusade? Has the time come to stand up and be counted for the difference between right and wrong? We all know whats been going on around the world. Much of our morality in the past  was based on the book of books Bhagawat Gita, Quran, Bible and more. Sadly, today its thought by many to be no more than a piece of great literature.

In our modern eagerness to be tolerant, we have come to tolerate things  which no society can tolerate and remain healthy. In our revulsion against hypocrisy and false morality we have abandoned morality itself. And with modest hesitation but firm commitment to convictions I submit that this has not made us happier, but much unhappier. We are like men at jungle without compass- lost and only pretending to be moving towards where we are intended to be heading towards.

Shitting mind poop!

How would it feel to be loved? To be appreciated? To be looked up with eyes full of care and love and respect for you?…… To be hugged? I cant believe lately I have been so desperate for a human hug. Someone to hug you tight, to kiss you in your forehead and say that things will be alrite. Specially the ones that start randomly, on a light note and before you know you’re like “gah, I’ve missed you – nobody here gets me as much as you do!”
But life is not about what you want. Its all about what comes to you and how you adjust to it. You love someone and they love someone else. You want certain things, and you have wait forever to get it. Why is life so mean? Why does life want me to be so desperate for things. When one appreciates and wants things by all their heart and mind, are they not suppose to get it? Instead, those who cannot value them are given with valuables.

I don’t know why humans have lost their humanity? As if they will be ruling this planet forever. As thought they are the supreme beings! Humans are the worst creatures, I always hated them, I still hate humans the most!! There are few, very few ‘human souls’ alive. But those are so frustrated with the rest, they barely want to be in circle of rest of the human world.

I always thought I would withstand biggest adversaries alone, but these days loneliness has been painful. I want to be surrounded with love and care. Yes the rarest thing in human world- love care and humanity!!

Note: This is vomiting out all the random shits within mind of blogger. No intention of disrespecting readers.

Not a good day!

I wanted to walk home from office. Unlike other days, I had to force myself to walk 6kms. My wound aching like anything. There was a point when I just wanted to cry out loud. I wanted a human to rescue me rightaway. My right leg still hurting. The internal injuries are dangerous. They are not visible giving “killer-pain”. Wanted to call everyone possible for help, but I did not. Sat down for an hour in a roadside like a confused moron; feeling the pain. Had no other option. This is the thing I hate about pain, it makes you feel so vulnerable and so pathetic. But at the same time when you beat the pain alone, it makes you feel like a hero.

Analogy of Pixel theory

Life is a picture that we are painting constantly by living our day to day life. Each day we live forms a little pixel in the big picture. In order to paint a meaningful picture, it is possible that we need not only paint bright happy colors, but also boring/sad grayish and dark colors. These represent the good and bad days of our lives. The bad days are not meaningless if we focus on the big picture, however! As pixels accumulate into lines and strokes, we might even have a new vision of our big picture. In fact, this vision is probably constantly changing with every new pixel. The important thing is to try to 1) Always keep a beautiful big picture in mind, 2) But also live in the present so that we can focus on making today’s color contribute to the overall big picture. This is how analogy of pixel theory works.

Irony of Love

Love hurts,

love is busy,

Love does not talk,

Love does not share,

Love has no time for love.

Love seems selfish,

love does not care!

Love only cares about himself,

love is without appreciation and ,

apologies.

Love criticizes,

Love always finds faults.

love is rude,

love is mean,

love is lust and nothing more?

Love they dreamt would be,

full of love,

full of life,

you and me.

But look at love-

its mostly you and seldom me.

 

September 27th 2:43am

Note: How people perceive love like those portrayed in movies. But in real life, love is more practical and with highs and lows- this is what the blogger tries to write. It is not a personal experience of blogger of anyone known.

September for sickness

I hate being sick. Its obvious nobody loves sickness. The worst thing about my sickness is that I seem to ignore pain initially, and when things get so severe then I tend to realize I had been sick since days. Happened the same this time too. I ignored and there I was, rushed to hospital. I have never liked the health service in Nepal. Very few ‘caring’ doctors and very few ‘service-providing’ hospital! Feels good to be home and sleep peacefully away from injections and unprofessional nurses.